They say we are either running from the past or towards the future. Either way, running is involved. I know for sure because that is exactly what I did when it came to Chris (Your guess is right, that’s not his real name).
Chris was the college sweetheart that never was. I mean one moment we were studying for exams and planning for the future, the next moment he was studying and planning with someone else *sigh*. Since then, I have never been able to face Chris without cringing a thousand times or mentally crushing myself to oblivion in his presence. So I run. Usually in the opposite direction, back to the library or hostel, quite frankly, anyplace he was not. Because? Stupidity!
Yes!
Sadly, I admit my life is belaboured with details of out of senseexperiences. You know, love kind of does that to you. It takes what’s left of your common sense and donates it to homeless children in Haiti, and then leaves you to think from your bowels, thus making desperate irrational decisions.
So today I want to talk about exes, and a little about awkward post-relationship moments, because you know, it really is a big deal for the party who is desperately grappling with the idea of moving on…completely!
The other day, a friend narrated his torturous reunion with an ex-girlfriend, 10 years after they parted. She had since gotten married and has two children whereas the only thing my friend had added to his life was a few pounds and an extra layer to his sense of humour. But the misery of it is that 10 years after, this amazing guy (all my friends get their amazingness from me) is still not over his ex. Trapped in his eyes is a longing and thirst that has not been quenched with time. I could see his confusion, his hurt and almost touch the bittersweet memories. It would have been sweet if it wasn’t so sad.
Yet many of us are like that. Okay, so maybe not at that level but still, we are often haunted by a past of broken hearts and shattered dreams, constantly wondering what went wrong or dreaming up what could have been. Worse, we carry wounded egos from past relationships, as we would a placard, into the next relationship, blackmailing and daring our new partners to fall into the same pattern.
A lady I know broke off an engagement with a man because he constantly compared her with his ex who had left him. In his desperation, he practically compelled the next relationship to end just as badly as his previous one.
So I get it. Love is hard. Love gone wrong is harder. But moving oncompletely is perhaps the hardest. But it is the greatest favour you can do for yourself. I’m probably going to share some ideas on how to get over a past relationship in my next post. But today, I want to ask…Are You Completely Over Your Ex?
Wait! Before you brush it off with a breezy “of course I am” consider the following questions.
- Do you constantly try to update yourself with their latest activity? You know, maybe by convincing yourself that you are merely keeping up old mutual friends yet conveniently tilting conversations to what your ex has been up to or who they are currently dating?
- Do you find yourself hounding their social media profiles, ogling every Instagram update and maybe hoping their next post on Facebook would reveal a fire incident that razed their house to dust? Okay. I’m kidding! But you get my drift.
- Do you find yourself narrating a twisted or convenient one-sided version of the breakup? Because like it or not, part of the symptoms of having not moved on is constantly thinking it was entirely your exes’ fault.
- Do you feel the need to make up for your sense of loss from the relationship whether through desperately jumping into relationships as soon as you are out of one, or forming dating patterns where you fall for people with striking similarities with your ex?
- Do you feel the need to outdo them, to appear to be the person who is moving on faster, making progress or who is generally happier?
- And maybe worse of all, do you avoid them altogether for fear of the misery that might be unleashed from such confrontations?
Okay, this is not exactly a science, considering I typed this in the blurry hours of midnight, awakened by the need for a bathroom leak rather than some creative muse. Yet, if you have nodded more than once, chances are you are not completely over your ex. And that, my friend, is not good enough!
Originally written by Tochi Eze
Photocredit: www.starttravelinglight.com
